Amends
by LiLAqUaMaRiE
Summary: Alternate scene version to Kill Switch [5x23]. Ryan feels as if he's found a kindred spirit within Natalia. [Prompt Challenge Number: 04]


**Title:** Amends  
**Author:** LiLAqUaMaRiE  
**Fandom:** CSI: Miami  
**Pairings/Characters:** Ryan Wolfe and Natalia Boa Vista.  
**Rating:** PG-13/T/FRT  
**Genre:** Hurt/Comfort  
**Spoilers: **Kill Switch 5x23  
**Word Count: **2,086  
**Challenge Fic:** #8  
**Challenge Word:** #04 – Sympathy  
**Summary:** Ryan feels as if he's found a kindred spirit within Natalia.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own "CSI: Miami" or anything related to it. So don't sue me please!!!! I'm already poor as it is. Don't need a lawsuit to put me out on the street.  
**Note:** This is a fic for the MiamiFicTalk Community prompt challenge.  
**Note #2:** I felt that the scene between Ryan and Natalia could have been better; so I decided to extend it or in other words – make my own version of that scene. That would make this fic AU for an alternate version of the scene between them.  
**Note #3:** Thoughts are in italics.

* * *

_But no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you  
And now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you  
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you  
For my head, for my heart, for its true_  
– "Never Knew" by The Rocket Summer

**AMENDS**

_"Friends are like pillars on your porch. Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you." - Sharon_

* * *

CSI Natalia Boa Vista took in a deep breath as she tried to calm her wary nerves. The whole bit with the reporter, the trap and all that blood loss just didn't work well with her nerves. She closed her eyes as she lifted a hand to rub her temple; she tried to ease the small headache that was starting to form.

Not far from her stood Ryan Wolfe, a former CSI, who was in the same predicament as her – maybe even worse. His own nerves weren't jumpy just for what had happened earlier but more for the mere fact that he was very close to his ex-coworkers. It unnerved him to say the least. He glanced upward to the sky above him, trying to control his emotions, _'Is it my imagination?'_ he gazed at the sun that overshadowed them, _'the sun look really yellow._' He sighed, as he glanced away – it was no time for distraction, at least not now.

He mentally sighed as he kept thinking to himself, _'All I wanted was to find a new job, get paid and move on and leave the past in the past.'_ He glanced at where Natalia stood rubbing her forehead, lost in her own world. _'No, all I really wanted was to things to go back to how they were…' _ He shook his head; he was terribly confused. He did not know what to do, how to react, or what to say anymore to anyone – let alone an ex-friend. He glanced once more in Boa Vista's direction, he wanted to go over to her, to try and amend his relationship with her, to do something – anything but he was scared. Unconsciously, however, his feet did the work for him as he headed toward where Boa Vista was standing alone.

Upon reaching her, he did not know how to greet her, it was an awkward moment for him but he needed to get her attention somehow, he decided to tentatively reach out a hand to touch her bare shoulder. At the sudden touch, Natalia instantly pulled away - startled as she opened her eyes.

Wolfe just blinked before quickly removing his hand away from the woman before him. He mistook her actions, mistook them on a personal level. In that moment, he felt immensely sad inside, it had hurt him deeply to even think that she did not wish for him to touch her. He swallowed hard, _'I just want to go back to how things were…'_ he glanced away, _'but lately, it seems like I've been…'_

As Natalia opened her eyes, she was ready to glare at the person who just disturbed her and startled her. However, as she noticed who it was, her eyes softened in response. She was about to greet him when she was cut off.

"You know..." Ryan started nervously, "us being here, us following you guys around that's not my idea." He told her as if trying to give justification for his current actions. _'What am I doing?'_ he questioned himself mentally.

Natalia just stared at him for a moment before attempting to speak once more only to get shut down once more.

"The assignment editors wanted me to follow up on the story." He pointed out lamely. Ryan bit his bottom lip, trying to think of something better to say. _'This is all wrong…I should have just left her alone…'_

She just nodded in silence.

Wolfe was normally a man with a plan, confident, calm, and collected - but now, now he felt like a little boy who had just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He swallowed as he tried to glance at everywhere but at her. "Just in case you were wondering..." He closed his eyes quickly as he waited for the rejection to come, even though it would hurt him deeply. _'I should have just given up on this idea…'_

Even though he couldn't see her, Natalia just shrugged her shoulders in response. "Ryan…No." she said softly.

Ryan opened his eyes once again mistaking her response, "Oh, um. I'm sorry. I-I can leave you alone…" He attempted to turn away, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned his face around.

Natalia stared at him with a wide-eyed look, "No. No." she shook her head, "I meant, I-I wasn't." A small friendly smile formed on her lips, "Don't go." She gave his arm a light squeeze before letting go in an attempt to ease him the best she could.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Natalia smiled gently at him, "its okay." She did not want to scare him off again, "I can tell you came here because you had something on your mind, right?" she questioned him.

However, Ryan shook his head rapidly even though she was correct in her question. Natalia could clearly see the deep thought and inner turmoil the man before her was in. It made her heart hurt.

He stopped to glance at the ground that was between them. "It's just that," he paused trying to figure out the words he wanted to say, "it's just that I'm on someone else's payroll now." He glanced up at her slowly, searching her face with his eyes. He needed to find some sort of understanding, acceptance - anything. "And it's weird." He finished off quietly.

Natalia sighed, she could see that he was about to work himself, if he continued like this, into true hysterics. She hated seeing him like this, she truly did. He was always so confident, so strong, so - happy. Now he was just a shell of what he once was. With her hands on her hips she nodded in understanding. "I know." she said softly to him. "I-I've been there."

And she truly did understand where he was coming from, that's why she knew that what he needed was to face his insecurities in order to conquer them. Otherwise, he'd never be the old Ryan Wolfe that she knew and learned to care about, again.

Ryan, who had been trying to glance once more at anything but at her, paused in his actions to stare at her now. At hearing her words he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. His face was expressive, showing what he had been feeling for so long deep within. "What do you think I should do?" He asked with his voice full of the innocence of a lost child.

Natalia winced inwardly at the sincerity of his tone. Her expression softened, she did not want to cause him any more pain than what he was feeling. She sighed, as she chose her words carefully. "Short term, get away from the cameras and long term..." she trailed off as she tried to give him a supportive smile, "you're just going to have to decide what your own priorities are."

Silence overtook them. Natalia couldn't take the silence anymore so she moved closer to him and in return startled him with her actions. It broke her heart to think he was scared of her; she pulled him into an embrace, holding him as tightly as she could. In her arms she could feel him tense up briefly before he slowly relaxed into the embrace as he wrapped his own arms around her. "They will forgive you…in time." She whispered gently to him, "They just need some time first." Natalia carefully chose her next words, "you just have to understand Ryan. They don't hate you or want to de-friend you anytime soon." She paused to let her words sink in, "they're just disappointed now." She pulled back to stare him in the face, "remember what happened with me? Just give them time, they'll come around soon." She ended with a soft small smile on her face.

Wolfe had to blink a few times as he just listened to her, his eyes that had shined brightly with unshed tears allowed a single tear to fall from his eye. He never thought of it the way Natalia put it, he had been from the start deeply submerged in his misery that that simple thought never occurred to him. Ryan swallowed softly before realizing something, he slowly gazed at Natalia who still was in his arms; he was afraid to ask – afraid to know but he had to know. "Are you…" he paused, maybe he shouldn't ask but it slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "Are you disappointed too?"

Natalia bit her inner cheek as she shook her head thoughtfully. "Disappointed? In you?" she asked, "Honestly, no." She noticed him staring in mild confusion, "I'm in a unique position Ry, and I've been in your shoes before. I know how it feels on your side. I've felt what you are feeling." She lifted a hand to pat his cheek gently, "So no, I'm not disappointed. I just understand."

In an instant she was pulled into a tight hug, Ryan held onto her as if he never wanted to let go but he did. As they pulled apart, a small smile graced Ryan's lips as his eyes still shined with unshed tears, "Just... Thanks, ya know?"

Natalia grinned widely at him, "Don't thank me Ry, and just don't give up so easily." He continued to stare at her and she shook her head with a light smile on her face as she took his arm into her hands. "Look at the blue sky above us Ryan…" she paused as she saw him looking up, "You see that, don't give up trying, no matter what and reach for that blue sky. Reach for your goal, Ryan. I know you can become a great CSI again." She smiled at him, "You're a good man, remember that and you'll succeed." A bigger and wider smile slowly formed on his face as he listened to her words, "a good man." She whispered to him.

Ryan wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes, trying to calm himself. Though, he did feel better than he had prior to their conversation – Natalia made him feel better. She was truly a great friend and person – mentally he regretted his treatment towards her a while back. He had to be a lucky person to know such a beautiful person as her – inside and out – if she still wanted to be friends with him after everything. He turned to stare at her, she really was a beautiful person but he had to know why, "Why…" he saw her staring at him expectantly before he continued, "Why are you doing this, all of this. After the way I treated you in the past after the mole incident….I – you…" He trailed off unsure of what else to say.

Natalia sighed softly as she shook her head. "It's in the past Ryan. Forget about it, but if you want to know why I'm doing this…" she saw him nod in silence, "then I'll tell you." She gave him a sincere smile as she spoke, "Because I care about you Ryan, you're my friend and I need you like the others need you too." She answered him as she winked softly at him, "and you need us. We're a family, Ryan, a family."

His eyes had widened at her words and he shook his head as a small laugh broke through. She was right, he finally understood completely – they were a family. A family with problems – yes, but they were all one big ol' family. He smiled back at her.

Silence overtook them once more.

Calleigh Duquesne slowly approached them as she stopped to stand next to Boa Vista. She glanced in Ryan's direction with concerned eyes, "You're sure you're okay?"

Ryan turned to face Calleigh, he nodded slowly. "I'm fine, thanks." And that wasn't a lie, he was. Thanks to a friend.

She gave him a light smile before she turned to the woman next to her. "Natalia, that trap was put there to protect something. Will you bring your camera?" she asked her.

Natalia nodded in response, "Yeah."

With one last look in Ryan's direction, Calleigh walked away from them with Natalia slowly following her trail behind her. As she walked, Natalia had to pause for a moment to give one last look at Ryan who had turned around to face them as they left. She smiled at him once more and her smile grew as she noticed him returning a smile of his own.

_Everything will be better now…_

**FIN.**


End file.
